The Anti-Masker’s Rap
It was late (after midnight) just a few months ago.
My face was deep in ice cream like a fat Russell Crowe.
I heard a crash and some bangs from the porch outside.
So I picked up my bat and grabbed some cyanide.
Searched up and down all around for a burglar or a crook.
Can’t tell a lie, I was feelin’ pretty shook.
But I couldn’t find a thing…just a note left on my door.
It was signed by virus Rona (she was so eager to bore).
Throughout the next 4 months she’s been fillin’ you with doom.
But what about yours truly? Just sittin’ jailed in my room.
Every bar is empty, nothing open but the store.
Plus I’m super horny now (without strip clubs to score).
Damn these days are dullsville when I ain’t got shit to do.
How the hell are all you sheeple so allergic to the flu?
Now my outings are to Kroger (I’m there every afternoon).
Just checked my online statement, shopped there 30 days in June.
Ladies stare in my direction like, “WEAR A MASK YOU BIG DISGRACE!”
It’s so easy to ignore them with those coverings on their face.
Protecting other people – is what you say masks are about.
Even average-looking strippers (who I’m desperate to take out).
See, my life is crazy boring and I hate this new hairdo.
Yet somehow you’re still expecting my concern to be for you?
It seems like you’re not hearing that I just won’t wear that thing.
Not even for a lap dance and a badly needed schwing.
I know that you dislike it when I cause you great dismay.
But there’s a word for that, old timer…the American way.
By now it’s crystal clear that you don’t get how this place works.
It’s all about my freedoms (oh yes, even when that irks).
I will broadcast all my rights to you at every single turn.
When it comes to other humans…not my problem if they burn.
I refuse to look at data from your doctors and your nerds.
They might put me in a coma with their 14-letter words.
There’s a reason I like scumbags (and the types who act so bad)…
I’m impervious to logic cuz all I really am is mad.
My anger is what drives me, oh it’s what I feel the most.
Sure, I take it out on all of you…the world’s my whipping post.
Your brain still wants to feel that this is just about a mask.
(Since you refuse to understand that monumental ask)
The belief is I don’t wear it because I don’t care for you.
Now it’s time to pay attention to the major fucking clue.
There is something that you people just can’t ever seem to see.
How could I care about any of you…
…when who I hate the most is me.
