The Way We Were
Dear Young Readers:
This one’s for you.
It recently occurred to me that this is the only world you’ve ever known. “Your world” is one in which recessions come around every few years, nobody likes anything, and pandemics turn life upside down. Wow…so you’ve never lived in an amazing time, huh?
I honestly feel for you.
Your era kind of sucks.
Ok, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m taking you on a trip back to the 1980s. That’s when I grew up and it was a very special time. Nothing was strange about it at all. And maybe experiencing a taste of a normal decade will help you navigate these tough times.
Relax and enjoy this trip back to a simpler time…
Long before nonstop selfies entered the world, we used to pose for pictures the old fashioned way – like it was a special event. Film was expensive in those days. It was critical to always give our most impressive pose. So, as you can imagine, we all became quite good in front of a camera.
Mastering solo pictures was a great skill to develop, but the ‘80s was a time when love could really shine. We eagerly shared the lens with a new flame whenever romance entered our lives. And those photo shoots had a tendency to get pretty steamy.
Long before the current technological boom, our world was already starting to change at lightning speed. The ‘80s brought on the dawn of the video game era. And it was impossible to find a child or adult who could walk away from a screen this captivating:
Speaking of screens, there was no shortage of entertainment options available on television. And boy did we love to laugh in those days. Particularly at comedies set in the Korean War. I often wondered…is there anything more amusing than a wartime sitcom?
Well, maybe one thing…
Clearly, writers were striving for new heights in the ‘80s. And they finally reached the peak of their storytelling mountaintop with a show about a furry space alien living in the suburbs. We sat on the edge of our seats each week to see if that quirky alien would finally eat the family cat.
No, I’m not sure how cats became a delicacy on other planets. And…no…I don’t remember why the space alien had a Brooklyn accent. But, back then, we didn’t feel the need to ask such questions. We just lived.
For some unknown reason (likely an issue with the machinery of the time), we were never able to find clothing that fit properly in the ‘80s. Every outfit was either a few sizes too small or made to fit a linebacker. Thankfully, we were expert problem-solvers back then. We simply introduced a distracting amount of pastels and fluorescents into our wardrobes. After that, nobody even noticed that everything we owned was ill-fitting.
The one material that did come properly-sized was denim. And, as you probably already know, we believed in dressing for success in the ‘80s. So we had a very strict rule when it came to denim – wearing as much of it on our bodies as possible at any given moment.
Recently, I heard someone from your generation refer to the hottest fads of the ‘80s as being, “Random as shit.” Frankly, that’s a bit harsh. And it’s also very inaccurate. We were ahead of the curve. While previous generations set unrealistic standards for beauty, our most popular doll looked like a middle-aged DMV worker from Ohio.
Guys, it was a more innocent time. The air was fresh…the streets were clean…and we had no reason to find it unusual that grown men were hanging out in parking lots with high school students after midnight.
Back then, we didn’t spend our days worrying. We respected simplicity. While your generation would likely panic about the widespread addiction to drugs that was overwhelming our streets…we didn’t sweat the small stuff. We knew it could all be solved if we just smiled and said, “No.”
Fitness was a major priority in our lives. Have you noticed that people were much skinnier in those days? Well, that’s why we tend to scoff at your vegan, gluten-free whatever you call it. We’ve already mastered physical fitness. Just look at any picture from that era. See that cloud of cigarette smoke floating around us constantly throughout the entire decade? It’s because we didn’t wage war against smoking. In fact, we encouraged it at restaurants and even on airplanes. You know what else happened inside our constant cloud of smoke? Less obesity.
Sure, I guess your precious cell phones can be helpful. Without them, we did always wander around in a state of confusion for a few minutes whenever meeting friends anywhere. And asking strangers for directions was just a regular part of our day. But the flip side is that we learned how to interact with (and trust) our fellow man. We didn’t need “Uber” to find us a ride from a stranger. We just threw our thumbs in the air and almost always survived the journey.
Youngsters today seem to think they invented words like “gender fluid” and “androgynous.” Well perhaps you’ve never heard of a certain word that we invented. A little something called, “Rock & Roll.” See, we had very open minds in the ‘80s. When we attended concerts, we never even had a clue what gender the lead singer was.
The ’80s were a big celebration of life. And when today’s world starts to be too much, just remember that you will always be an honorary member of the club. As long as you have one of these:
