Newfangled Resolutions
Did you grow up with dreams of being just like everyone else?
Was there a fire in your belly screaming out, “I hope to be unoriginal!”
Of course not. But, every January…we all recite the same, predictable, dusty list of New Year’s resolutions. Why not at least consider something unique?
Or, hey, another way to go is to keep hitting replay on the old playlist…
- Obviously, you want to eat better and exercise more.
- No shit, you want to be happy, organized, and successful.
- Of course, you want to spend more time with your loved ones and live life to the fullest.
(Editor’s Note: We all want these things. That will forever be a given. It’s like declaring, “I hope to breathe oxygen this year”)
So, here’s what I propose…
Let’s at least try to be a bit more original, shall we?
Something we all understand is that it’s hard to break habits. That’s what a typical New Year’s resolution comes out of, right? Our desire to replace bad habits with good ones. Eating well, working out more often, striving for better things, etc. But there’s one GIANT bad habit we always overlook…
The way we think.
(It ain’t sexy. But, other than health, does anything impact us more than our mental habits?)
So, what do you say…should we try to shake up our resolution repertoire? For 2022, maybe we can start exercising a muscle that the masses don’t even consider. First, a little backstory…
Clearly, I’m not a genius. I also have limited skills in the kitchen and am even worse as a handyman. There’s a good chance you could fill every stadium in America with people who have more money than me. But there are 2 things I take a ton of pride in:
- I’m an extremely honest person.
- I know how to care deeply.
We all have our 2 or 3 things. The stuff we define ourselves by. Let’s call these our “home traits.” The main shit right at the bullseye of who we are.
For some, it’s how steady and rational they are. Others define themselves as kind. Some look in the mirror and the main thing they see is a great work ethic. And so on. But there’s something so interesting I keep observing. It’s a common struggle we all have with our thinking…
We have a hard time remembering moments that contradict our “home traits.”
Let me explain…
I could rattle off a dozen examples of the ways I’ve sucked in the kitchen. Or all the times my handywork has been a mess. It’s easy to remember. Because that shit doesn’t sting. It’s not what matters most to me. But what happens when I try to question my home traits…
Ask for 3 examples of me being dishonest last year and I will STRUGGLE MY ASS OFF to come up with an answer.
My brain will try to turn the key, but the memories won’t crank up.
In short, I don’t want to go there. I define myself as honest. And I don’t like to see any exceptions.
That was a big discovery last year. I saw it over and over with people. We all seem to be wired this way. In spite of our millions of differences, we share this exact mental habit. A kind of protection of our home traits. These tiny little adjectives (like honesty for me) become who we are. So, is there anything wrong with that?
Well, the thing is…we’re human beings.
We’re not just 2 or 3 adjectives.
Your home traits…just like mine…start to make your vision of yourself too narrow.
It becomes too small of a box.
Let’s say your home trait is how “selfless” you are. That becomes the way you define yourself. What you see in the mirror. But the reality is, you’ll have moments of selfishness just like the rest of us. It might be as small as cutting someone off in traffic accidentally because you’re running late. But here’s what happens…
When I ask someone with the home trait of “selfless” to give 3 examples of their selfishness (big or small) from the last year…they will struggle like crazy with that question. Their brain doesn’t want to access to those memories. There’s a mental habit standing in their way. Just like all of us with our home traits.
Here’s a makeshift chart with some examples of how this works (a person’s defining home trait is on the left):
- “Hard worker” – will struggle to think of examples when they were lazy last year
- “Reliable” – will struggle to think of the times they were flaky last year
- “Strong” – will struggle to think of examples when they were weak last year
- “Impeccable integrity” – will struggle to think of times they let someone down last year
- “Nice” – will struggle to think of examples of how they were unkind last year
- “Easygoing” – will struggle to think of times they were rigid last year
- And so on.
Does this all make sense? I realize it’s complicated to express in writing. But the main idea is that, over time, we “become” the adjectives that define us. In our own minds. And we really don’t want to see the exceptions. Personally, I don’t care nearly as much about being rich and powerful or any of that stuff…as I do about being honest. That trait matters most to me. Which is exactly why I struggle to think of examples that contradict it.
So (if you’re interested) here’s a challenge for 2022:
1. Identify your home traits. I imagine you’re already pretty damn familiar with them. I mean, these are the main ways you define yourself. But actually write them down.
2. Think of a few exceptions. Specific examples from last year when you weren’t those adjectives. For me, that means specific times I wasn’t honest. The examples can be big or small. But, again, write them down.
Some of you are probably wondering…
What’s the point of this? To feel worse about myself?
Nope. That’s the exact opposite of the point. We cling so tight to the traits we value most. We all do. And, over time, we start clinging on too tight. We do this to form our identity. We take the adjectives that matter most (like honesty for me) and define ourselves in very rigid ways. It gets very black and white. As time marches on, we lose more and more of the gray. The big box of just being a human becomes…the much smaller box of our home traits.
I know this was an earful. But if you’re interested in a unique New Year’s resolution, here it is. Consider spending time with those moments. The ones when you weren’t honest or selfless or reliable or whatever it is that you identify as. Start with this exercise. Then let it grow. This resolution is nothing more than letting yourself “just” be human. Seeing how your vision of yourself has been too small.
And, look, if you just can’t think of any examples of being selfish (or whatever it may be)…
That doesn’t make you a superhero. It means you have plenty of room to be more self-aware.
Too many New Year’s resolutions are about achieving. As if you need to be more than what you are. Like you need to earn or prove something. This resolution is very different than most…
Just challenge your thinking.
I’m sure you’ve noticed how our society can look at things in such polarized ways. All that simplistic, black-and-white thinking can get old, right? Well, we do the same damn thing in our minds with who we are.
This post won’t be for everyone.
I get it.
Totally understandable.
But I think it will resonate with some of you. I hope you’ll define yourself a little less in the ways that feel most familiar. And, once your vision expands past that small box, it will do that for the people you care about too. If we see ourselves in limited ways, we can’t help but see other people like that as well.
Anyway, I think that’s a pretty cool resolution for 2022.
(along with eating well and working out and all that other shit)
Happy new year, my friends!
