It has now been 2.5 years since I retired MileNerd.
Crazy, right?
Obviously, I’ve written a post per month since then. A bunch of you guys didn’t want me to go away and, dammit, I dig you too. So this was my way of not disappearing completely. Writing a few post-retirement words on whatever subject leaps into my head each month.
That said…
I received an automated message about needing to switch the provider for all MileNerd email subscribers. And it got me thinking…
In the pre-retirement days, there was never any question about whether this blog was wanted. The 100+ emails from people each day made it pretty obvious. But those readers came for miles and points. And I’m curious if you guys are getting much out of this anymore. I’m not asking for extra pats on the back. I won’t ever need another person to tell me I was the best writer of the miles-and-points bloggers. Heard that enough over the years. Also, that’s basically like telling a sports car that he’s faster than a broken down Yugo. Thanks, but I know. What I’m unsure of is this…
Does it matter to you if I stop writing these monthly entries?
Honestly asking. I’m just trying to figure out if this is something I should continue doing. I never ask for feedback and obviously disabled the comment section from the start…but this one requires your input. Very simple. If you want me to continue these post-retirement entries, just drop a line. If it doesn’t matter either way, then don’t.
You can use my email address if you have it, the contact page on the blog, or the old MileNerdcontests AT gmail.com.
Look, I know it’s hard to get people to take any action (even for a one-sentence email). Certainly not my style to ask. But I need to get some feel for this answer. If the posts aren’t worth a 5-second email from enough people, then I can scale this back even more. I’ll have a better idea of the thought process next month. Thanks for any help you can provide.
(If you do subscribe by email, just know those alerts could be disabled by July so you may need to come to the website manually)
Do you remember what you were like as a young kid?
I think I know…
Hyperfocused on your career?
Gulping down coffee at recess just to deal with the daily weight of society?
Obsessively checking your investment portfolio between sit-ups in gym class?
Uh, probably not.
Look, I don’t know a thing about your childhood. Doubt it was all butterflies and rainbows (since that isn’t real life). But I’m guessing we had one important trait in common. Early on, I think we all had the capacity to play. Remember that? Once upon a time, such playfulness lived within us. Literally just hand us a bucket and some sand back then and watch what happens.
Now, let’s fast forward to today…
Without bias, look at the grownups you know. Your friends…family…coworkers…and, of course, you. It’s safe to say that adulthood is more…weighed down…right? Not exactly the same lightness of youth? Of course. Obviously, there are responsibilities. Clearly, the world is a mess. And, undoubtedly, people have hurt us along the way. But I’m just asking a simple question…
Do you still live your days with a sense of play?
(Note: I’m referring to the sober version of you. Pouring booze in a glass to loosen up is a whole different thing)
Don’t worry, my intention isn’t to judge. I’m honestly asking…
Assuming, of course, that we’re lucky enough to have no immediate health or financial crisis…where exactly did our old playfulness go? Did it just vanish into thin air?
Eagerness to play was the defining trait of how we walked through the world once upon a time.
So…what happened?
Recently, I took my first post-Covid trip. Jumped on a plane to an amazing $1000/night resort in Hawaii (booked with points, of course). I sat in my luxurious lounge chair smack dab in the middle of paradise. Watching person after person stroll by. And something became very clear…
Kids, for the most part, have a much bigger capacity for joy. It’s hard to deny and impossible to ignore. In fairness, the adults didn’t seem miserable. Their resting faces often grew less frowny, sometimes even neutral, and (gasp) occasionally broke out in smiles. But their appetite for play…even in the middle of a dream playground…was clearly more limited. Kind of a muffled, “grown up” version.
Right about now, some guy named JimBob from Tuscaloosa is reading these words and thinking: “Dude, I got older and had to start WORKING. That’s what happened to my playfulness.”
As is often the case with Jimbob, he has completely missed the point. While I didn’t know the people walking on that beach…I imagine some of them were not in the midst of a major life crisis. Clearly, most were on a fantastic vacation. And, yet, even in a perfect setting for it…far removed from the workplace…they just didn’t seem to have much of a sense of play left. Now, of course, there are always some exceptions…
Occasionally, a “grownup” walked by and grabbed my attention completely. No, not because of their choice of swimwear, JimBob. But because that person (whether male or female) had a different kind of energy. It was so glaringly obvious. They managed to hold onto something that most of their peers have lost.
And, right then, I realized it…
Having a sense of play isn’t a trait. It’s a skill. Young kids don’t need to develop it because they haven’t lost it yet. Whatever will diminish their playfulness…the stuff that will weigh them down as adults…hasn’t happened yet.
It’s different for us.
We have to WANT to keep our playfulness. It’s something we have to consciously choose.
Look, there’s no shortage of shit for us to be upset or stressed about. All legitimate stuff. But just look at the amount of money we spend each year to get away from it – from tv channels to streaming services…from seeing live music to downloading songs…from standup comedy to sporting events – we spend all that money to watch other adults play. In the hope that some of that feeling will rub off on us. Think of all the vacations you’ve taken to try to shake things up. Think back to all your best memories as an adult and remember what felt so good.
I know. There are a million things to be upset about today. And tomorrow. And for the next 10 years. But let’s talk crazy for a second…
What if we took a day to see if we still have it in us to be truly carefree and playful? Just one day to consciously try to play. All the stressful stuff will definitely be there tomorrow. Would it be so bad to check in and see if the little kid is still alive in you somewhere? Just a thought. Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to test out today…
It’s a word that gets thrown around pretty loosely.
In ways that include a wide range of people.
From Facebook “pals” to the faces at work.
But what about true friends…
How many humans really understand you? Or even care to try?
How many do you fully let in?
What’s the number of people you could tell everything to…
Or depend on in your lowest moment?
If we’re being honest with ourselves…for most of us, the list is short.
So…
Just how valuable is a true friend?
I’m really asking.
If you sat down to answer that question with actual words…
What might you say?
Because no measuring device exists for such things.
We can’t walk into a store and hand over money in exchange for a deep and genuine friendship.
So…
What is it worth to you?
This week, I lost one of the few true friends I have. Or, I guess, had. And, lately, I’ve gotten more and more reminders of how precious it is to have a real buddy in this world.
I bumped into Clint a decade ago. Randomly. Hadn’t seen him in years. But I snuck over, plopped down on the chair next to him, and smacked him on the back. Hard. He responded with a smile so big…and a hug so welcoming…that I immediately felt like a moron for losing touch.
What was wrong with me? Well, I guess like people sometimes do…I just took a potentially great friendship for granted. Certainly wasn’t the first time.
We sat there for a while, eagerly catching up. Both pretty excited to see each other. But, as is often the case with men, the conversation didn’t stray beyond “regular” stuff. Y’know…the safe topics. Like jobs, relationships, and the latest in world events. A Batman sequel was in theaters and Manny Pacquiao was knocking opponents out in spectacular fashion. So we yammered on about that kind of crap. But it’s all just neanderthal for, “Hey man, I really missed seeing you.” Dudes don’t exactly look each other in the eyes and express gentle sentiments. We mutter that stuff in code.
Anyway…it was great to see the guy. As always, he seemed like the kind of person I could’ve been great friends with in another life. Or a less busy one. And, hey, maybe I’d run into him again in a few years.
Then, as we said goodbye, Clint invited me to a holiday party at his house that weekend.
Look, I always liked the dude. But I couldn’t even remember his wife’s name. A party at his house? Nah. I’m just not the type who knocks on someone’s door during the holiday season to hang out with a group of people I don’t know. But here’s the thing…Clint was that type. And, for a friendship to grow, someone has to be the person who initiates a first hangout. Otherwise, duds like me would just amass a collection of acquaintances forever.
So I went to the damn party. Begrudgingly.
And only because it was such a warm invite.
I knew this guy was friendly. But, man, as soon as I walked in the door…he was eager to pop the cork off the bottle in my hand. And not for the booze. It seemed genuinely important to him that we toast this occasion together. As he led me through the house, introducing me to friends and family, it dawned on me just how happy he was that I was there. It actually mattered to him. Oh, and after that first toast and hug, I’d never forget Parisa’s name again. She wasn’t as outgoing as Clint but was every bit as kind. Meanwhile, my brain was still trying to process how legitimately thrilled this dude was. I mean, I probably would have been at home in my underwear watching Turner & Hooch. Instead, I don’t think the smile left my face even once for hours. Honestly, the guy was as warm and welcoming as anyone I’d ever seen. He was just so giddy to share his house with the people he cared about. His cup was overflowing. And it made all of us feel high on life too.
I remember a long table with a mountain of food in his backyard. Plenty of grub for all of us. But, suddenly, Clint realized that nobody there had ever tried his favorite pizza joint. So he picked up the phone. And when the owner made it his last delivery of the night, Clint asked him to stay and join the party.
That’s the kind of person my friend was.
And, of course, the pizza guy stayed. There was simply no way to resist Clint’s enthusiasm and heart. I could tell you some happy stories about how we became close friends in the years following that night. All the backyard parties and laughter we shared. Or I could recite the heartbreaking tale of how his life changed instantly on one seemingly average day. But then I’d have to explain how hard it was to watch him lose the gift of good health. I’d need to remember how the most social, welcoming person I’ve ever known grew increasingly isolated. And then I’d probably start seeing images of a house that overflowed with such good times becoming a very quiet place.
So I don’t particularly feel like talking about any of that. Instead, what I want to say is this…
Clint was undoubtedly a better friend to me than I was to him. I only have a handful of true friends left in my life. But all of them were once strangers. So, if you have an acquaintance who you think might have true friend potential…
Maybe just see if they want to hang out sometime.
You never know. Something special might be around the corner.
Have you ever read any of the messages in your spam folder?
If so, you’ve probably “inherited” millions of dollars too.
Ever wonder what would happen if you responded?
I decided to find out…
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From: BARRISTER JERRY MADUISE LAGOS-NIGERIA Subject: STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
Dear Walia
I crave your indulgence as I contact you in such a surprising manner. I want you to bear in mind that this is not a hoax mail. But I respectfully insist you read this mail carefully as I am optimistic it will open door for unimaginable financial reward for both of us.
I am BARRISTER JERRY MADUISE,the personal attorney to late Patrick Walia a foreigner and an oil merchant here in Nigeria,herein shall be refered as my client. On the 21st of October, my clients were involved in a ghastly auto accident along Shagamu Express Road. Unfortunately,all occupants of the vehicle lost their lives,Since then I have made several enquiries to to locate my late client’s extended Relatives. After several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to track his last name over the Internet to locate any member of his family. I am contacting you about the money left behind by my late client before they get confisicated by the bank where this huge amount US5.5million is lodged.
The bank has issued me notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated within 21 days. Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the the relatives for over 4years now, I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin so this US5.5 million can be transferred into your account. All I require is your honest co-operation and confidentiality to see this deal through,I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law.
Thanks and God Bless. BARRISTER JERRY MADUISE
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Dear Barrister Maduise:
I have been craving the indulgence of your next non-hoax mail since the arrival of this message today. It shocks and amazes me that you knew Patrick Walia so well. Your client’s ghastly accident is sad indeed, but I am quite pleased about the 5.5 million dollars. It would be my greatest pleasure to meet you and collect this payment in cash. Can you arrange a flight for me?
Thanks and God Bless, Dr. Paul Walia, MD
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Dear Walia
Thank you very much for your kind interest and willingness to support and assist me in this mutual business. All i need from you is your assistance to liberate this $5.5m out of Nigeria in order not to be considered unclaimed fund. Actually this transaction is real and 100% risk free and does not Relate to any breach of law or proceed from drugs.
I hope you would not betray me,i must give you my trust. It is worth 50% commission of this fund,i believe.Like i stated in my proposal, i will like you to provide your bank details as follows, 1. YOUR FULL NAME AND ADDRESS. 2. YOUR BANK NAME. 3. BANK ADDRESS. 4. ACCOUNT NUMBER. 5. BENEFICIARY’S NAME.
As soon as i receive the above mentioned information i will put you in place as the next of kin to my late client. But if you are not comfortable to give out your personal account information to someone you dont know,should open a new bank account specifically for this transaction.
These process will be accomplished within 10 working days and the fund will be transferred into your bank account immediately. The very good thing about this transaction is that it will be done in a very proper and legal manner,
Most important thing,you should never disclose the nature of this business to any body even to your best friend because i dont want this business to be exposed. I am expecting your banking details as stated above so that I will submit it to the appropriate department for the processing in your favor and the transfer of the $5.5M into your account. The bank is only waiting for the account number where the US5.5million will be transferred into,I am waiting for the bank details immediately so that I will advise you on what to do next.
Thanks and God bless. BARRISTER JERRY MADUISE
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Dearest Jerry:
Your kindness in this matter has touched my heart in a deep way. As someone from the beautiful city of Africa, you might not be aware that US 5.5 Million is a great deal of money. It will prove very useful as I pursue my dreams of entering the sanitation industry. You seem trustworthy, so I have no problem sending all of my personal banking information. But, before doing so, I hope you can assist me in 2 areas:
First, you mentioned not disclosing this to my best friend. But she and I are very close. Do you think it would be ok if she shared in this joyous occasion? Her name is Ivana Tinkle and I assure you she will keep this most fortunate news between the 3 of us.
Second, I must respectfully ask if your 50% commission is negotiable. I very much need to clear US 3.7 Million from this venture. If you accept these terms, I am willing to make you a full partner in my upcoming business ventures. Please consider. I feel quite confident it will prove to be an even greater windfall than this US 5.5 Million transaction.
Thank you once again for your beautiful words. I crave the indulgence of your next message.
Love and Blessings, Dr. Paul Walia, MD
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Paul Walia,
Thanks once again for your email,please if you know you trust your friend and that she can never fail you kindly let her know .
On the issue of percentage ,that will not be a problem you can take 55% of the total sum but all i need is your full support and for you to comply with my instructions .
Please go ahead and furnish me with your bank information and your tel numbers now iam waiting for your mail urgently.
Thanks jerry
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Dear Barrister Jerry:
I am overjoyed that the money will be coming soon. It is very hard for me to sleep at night. My days are spent imagining all the new things I can do with my life now. I plan to purchase many dream toys I have always wanted – like a gold pair of hiking boots and a pet leopard I will name Jerry (in your honor, of course). I have shared the news with Ivana Tinkle and she now also craves the indulgence of your messages. Before I furnish you with my information, please kindly remind me which bank details you need. Do you also need my debit card number and would it help to include the pin number?
Lovingly Yours, Dr. Paul Walia, MD
——————————————————————————————————————–
DEAR
I WISH TO INFORM YOU THAT I DO UNDERSTAND YOUR MAIL. I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT IF YOU KNOW YOU ARE WILLING TO DO THIS BUSINESS WITH ME ,KINDLY DO WHAT I TOLD YOU TO DO. FROM THE LOOK OF YOUR MAIL ,I NOW KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT READY TO ASSIST ME IN THIS PROJECT ,IF THAT IS TRUE PLEASE STOP PLAYING PRANKS AND TELL ME ,IAM NO LONGER A KID THAT YOU CAN BE TELLING KIDS STORY.
IAM A MAN OF MY WORD AND MY WORD IS MY BOND SO…………………………….
THANKS JERRY
——————————————————————————————————————–
Dear
I am truly sorry you misunderstood my letter. To be honest, I am simply having some doubts about this proposal. It almost seems like it might be too good to be true. Is it possible for you to send me a picture of yourself so that I can see who I am working with? It would make me feel so much better. I apologize for the inconvenience. Thank you for your understanding.
Deep Apologies, Dr. Paul Walia, MD
——————————————————————————————————————–
DEAR WALIA,
IAM WRITING TO INFORM YOU THAT WHAT WE NEED IN THIS TRANSACTION IS TRUST ,IF YOU DO NOT TRUST ME ,HOW CAN WE DO BUSINESS IF IN DEED YOU WANT TO HELP ME IN THIS PROJECT ,KINDLY FURNISH ME WITH YOUR BANK DETAILS AS I INSTRUCTED YOU IN MY LAST EMAIL. NOW OPEN A NEW BANK ACCOUNT AND SEND IT TO ME OK
AND REMEMBER TO SEND YOUR TEL NUMBERS SO THAT I CAN CALL YOU .
I ENCLOSE MY IDENTITY TO TELL OF MY HONESTY .
THANKS JERRY
——————————————————————————————————————–
DEAR WALIA,
I DID NOT HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN ,PLEASE UPDATE ME IF YOU ARE STILL INTERESTED OR NOT .
JERRY
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Dear Barrister Jerry:
First of all, I would like to comment on the fact that you are an extremely handsome man. Please understand that I don’t mean it in a sexual way. Although, that possibility may exist if we ever find ourselves together in the city of Africa. Regardless, you definitely look trustworthy. Most importantly, you have a kind face and an honest heart. Thank you for providing your barrister certification letter. It is clearly the most official of all documentation. Ivana Tinkle and I are impressed with your achievements. Please remind me again which banking information you need. I have photocopied my American Express card for your convenience as well. I will include it in our next communication. We are ready to complete this transaction in the next 72 hours. This is very exciting.
Ugh. I silence the Pittsburgh Steelers alarm clock, roll out of bed, and rub my groggy teenage eyes. It’s that time of night again already? Oh well. Just a couple of minutes and I’ll be back under the blanket. I stumble my way to the kitchen, grab my mid-sleep protein shake, and gulp it down.
Inconvenient? Of course. Disgusting? Hell yeah.
But here was the reality of my situation:
I was 6 feet tall. That’s basically Shaq height for a brown kid.
I weighed a whopping 140 pounds.
Not an ideal combination. There should have been a sign over my 16 year-old head saying: “Beware – Heavy winds will knock him over.”
Every night, I staggered out of bed to chug those extra calories. During the day, I ate everything in sight. I stuffed more food into my mouth than Russell Crowe at a Vegas buffet. But, no matter what I did…I just couldn’t put on weight.
Not a single pound.
Editor’s Note: All these years later (in a cruel twist of fate), I can now drink one beer and wake up fat the next morning.
So, why such a desperate need to gain weight in high school? What was my deal?
Well, this might be hard to believe but…
Girls weren’t exactly knocking on my door for dates. Weird, right? Apparently, having zero muscles and a face that was 98% nose wasn’t a recipe for dating success. Specifically…
I had tons of girl friends. Maybe more than anyone in school. But I had no girlfriends. See the significant difference?
Every night, I spent hours on the phone with my long list of female pals. I was the kid who made them laugh. The safe and dependable shoulder to cry on. When the boys they actually wanted to sleep with were being mean…I was available via my sensitive nerd hotline. Open for calls 24/7.
Sure, I knew how to be a good friend. That was easy. But why wasn’t there a course on how to move beyond that? It was SUCH an unsolvable mystery. I wished that someone…anyone…could see me as more than just a friend. But no such luck. I was a walking, talking stereotype – the nonthreatening sidekick. Everyone was out of my league. And, in my teenage brain, I figured the answer was to put on a few pounds.
Who needed sleep anyway?
As the stereotypical friend zone nerd, I drove the prettiest girl in town (Kelley) to school each morning. Obviously, I was happy to do it. And, clearly, I never made my feelings known. As you can imagine, I was crazy about her. She was the head cheerleader and, of course, dated the quarterback of the football team. Kelley was a morning person who always seemed to bounce into the car mid-conversation. Sometimes she’d share secrets that nobody else knew. Not even her boyfriend. But it was hard to focus on specific words. If she got excited about a topic, she would enthusiastically touch my arm to make her point. And, yup, that was the highlight of my day.
I. Was. Pathetic.
Worst of all, I knew it. I had so much inside to give. But nobody else could see it. And it appeared that nobody ever would. Maybe I was destined to be the guy who plays video games alone while eating Cheetos and listening to R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts.”
Well, life is a funny thing. As we all know, it can be surprising. College was a very different kind of experience. Maybe it’s because I filled out…maybe I just grew into my nose…or, against all odds, maybe I started gathering the first crumbs of self-confidence. But, little by little, I started feeling like less of a freak. And…whatever it was…that led to a different type of attention from girls. What started with free drinks from a pretty young waitress…turned into sorority girls initiating conversations with me at parties…and it grew from there. My social life was becoming active. Even (gasp) Kelley wanted to date me. Over the years, there have been so many moments that would have put the 16 year-old me into a coma. I’ve been seduced in the middle of a class, have been invited to join the Mile High Club by an attractive seat neighbor, and have been pursued by a Playboy centerfold. And then some.
Now, let me be very clear. My intention isn’t to brag. I’m an average looking guy and never became anything close to the musclebound Adonis I tried to be in high school. The truth is this…
For years after high school…I was utterly confused whenever a girl was interested in me.
Every.
Single.
Time.
The first night I had sex, my brain went into full-on malfunction. It couldn’t comprehend what was happening. I kept thinking, “Wait, I’m the sidekick funny guy. She should be talking to me about the person she’s actually interested in. What the hell is this lunacy?”
But life moves on.
Over time, the new normal became a lot more…expected. Women no longer seemed unattainable. And I forgot all about the 16 year-old me. What happened to that boy who would’ve done anything just for a girl to have a crush on him? Well, he grew up.
So what I’d like to say to my fellow straight dudes this month is as follows…
We all just kind of move along in our routines, don’t we? And, along the way, it becomes the norm to have someone by our side. But, guys…
It’s been a challenging year. If you have your health AND someone who cares about you in your life…that’s a hell of a thing right now. Sure, you might not be thrilled with your relationship. You might not be sure it’ll last your whole life. But…if you do have someone by your side right now…maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to make her feel special this Valentine’s Day.
I know, I know…it’s a commercial holiday. And, yeah, you’re a nice guy all year long. But, my dudes, somewhere inside is that awkward teenage version of you. A kid who would’ve done…well, anything…to have someone special wanting to hang out with him every day.
