Ever cringe when you hear a bad line of dialogue in an otherwise great movie?
How about this one from Jerry Maguire?
“You complete me.”
A generation of people…actual grown-ass, non-teeny bopper humans…found
those words to be incredibly romantic.
(Damn, these clunky brains of ours are easy to manipulate)
No matter what Tom Cruise says between VERY long pauses…feeling like an incomplete human being isn’t romantic. For fuck’s sake, it’s the definition of insecurity.
Literally.
It would be very hard to return a serve from Roger Federer…to
avoid a Manny Pacquiao uppercut…to be more in love with Bradley Cooper than
Lady Gaga is. Well, that’s the level of challenge our clunky brains are up
against in this society.
Listen to people talk about themselves. For almost everyone you’ll
ever meet, their greatest life passion isn’t love or money…it’s insecurity.
That’s what drives so much of our behavior. More than anything else, it’s the
fuel we run on.
If we’re being uncomfortably honest, our society is a place
where…
Dudes learn they should feel insecure for not
having enough fur on their heads.
Chicks learn they should read magazines that exist
(almost exclusively) to make them feel insecure for not looking like computer-altered
images of other insecure people.
Job titles are labels we use to rank how some
people are more important than others.
Counting green pieces of paper is a way to
decide which humans mean the most.
We even feel embarrassment when our metal driving
machines are old, noisy, and break down…
And genuine pride in ourselves if our metal
machines on wheels are one of the “good ones.”
Sound ridiculous?
Think I’m exaggerating?
Ok, really try to remember how much time you’ve spent worrying
about what other people think of you. Even those you’ll never see again.
(Hint: A big chunk of your life)
In case you haven’t noticed, the criteria we use to feel
self-conscious is almost always silly.
There’s no end to the dumb list of shit we use to feel insecure.
I mean, even just measure how tall you are. If it’s outside of a “reasonable”
range, that becomes one of the most dominant factors in your life.
Our clunky brains refuse to accept that we’re enough. But we
weren’t born this way, right? No baby sits in a crib thinking like this. It
took years of intense life training to learn how to be insecure. We needed to be
programmed so that we could think in such ridiculous ways.
In 2019, we’re so used to insecurity that it doesn’t seem
unusual anymore. Our society is built around it. We’ve even learned to use technology
that can automate our madness. I was in a movie theater recently watching a woman
who couldn’t go more than 15 minutes without looking at her phone…
Work crisis?
Family emergency?
Nope. She kept checking to see how many people clicked “like”
on her Instagram post. Over and over. We’ve always been desperate to be liked…but
now we can actually track the “likes.”
For all of us, there’s a not-so-subtle war going on against
bad programming. We can’t win it if we don’t see it.
Nothing can ever complete you because you’re not incomplete.
See you next month. Except for you, Tom Cruise.
(Programming note – To the person who asked where the credit card page is…seriously? To everyone else I haven’t written back to yet, please give me another couple of weeks and I should be all caught up. Thanks)
What can I say…it feels VERY strange to not be here writing every
day.
Newsflash to myself:
Do something for a decade and there’s a big hole when it goes away.
I think these monthly posts will probably end up being whatever’s
floating around my head at the time. Honestly, that could be anything. It’s a very strange head.
But, since I’m retired from this…I think I’ll just type
whatever the hell I feel like.
(Actually, that’s really not so different)
Here’s my first post-retirement entry…
I was sitting in a waiting room recently. You know how that
goes:
Stare at phone,
Flip through bad magazine,
Hopeful glance at receptionist to see if anything’s
happening,
Nothing’s happening. Sigh.
Zone out and stare at wall for a while…
Definitely not the highlight of anyone’s day. It was just me
and two ladies at the desk. At some point, one of us might have slipped into a
coma. We were way closer to being asleep than awake. And then…
Suddenly, another patient walked through the door.
(I should say she FLEW through the door)
Immediately, the wall was no longer the star of that room…
Within 5 seconds, this lady had somehow gotten the stone-faced
receptionists to smile. They actually looked somewhat alive. How was this
happening? Was she some sort of magician?
Then she spotted a bowl of pears sitting on the front desk…
I hadn’t noticed them, but the lady was intrigued.
What kind of pears are they? Did someone grow them? Are they
as delicious as they look??
She couldn’t stop talking about those things. At one point, she
referred to the pears as “stunning” or “sexy” or some other adjective I’d never
heard used to describe a piece of fruit.
Then she turned to me…
“Would you like to try
one of these stunning pears?”
I was fully out of my boredom coma now. It was impossible not
to smile. This force of nature sat down next to me and we ate our sexy pears while
laughing the next few minutes away. Doctor’s office? We might as well have been
at a picnic in the park. The lady entered a chamber of dullness and completely brightened
the room. For those few moments, she changed all of the people in it. We started
in one mood…interacted with her…and ended up somewhere better.
I finished my appointment and jumped into the car. Damn,
those really were some stunning pears. Who knew?
I started laughing to myself thinking of weird fruit
descriptions – a voluptuous mango, a stone cold fox of a kiwi, etc. Y’know, the
kind of stuff that’s really only funny in our own heads. I drove away smiling from
that waiting room interaction…
And then I got on the freeway.
Within minutes, an asshat in a Range Rover felt it was reasonable to send text messages at 70 miles per hour. I dodged his swerving death machine and quickly honked my horn – in case he cared about other people making it home alive.
(It wasn’t a big priority for him)
The guy was deeply offended that another person had the
nerve to interrupt his text message conversation. It became…
A situation.
If you know how I’m wired at all, then you understand how I
feel about douchebags. This guy was one of the greats. Long story short…I wasn’t
thinking about sexy pears anymore. My day changed again. I was getting into it
with a Range Rover asshat. First on the freeway. And then when he followed me
to a gas station.
Yeah.
This is what’s on my mind at the moment…
It’s SO easy to forget how much of an impact we make on each other. Fruit lady and freeway maniac were extreme examples…but, man, you really have the power to change someone’s day. Want to see something cool? Try this…
Get a notebook and carry it around for the next week. All
you need to do is one thing – write down every thought you have after
interacting with people. That’s it. Like most of humanity, you probably see
yourself as a logical, even-keeled person. But trust me on this…
Try the notebook thing.
You’ll see just how many ups and downs you go through based
on the actions of others. Don’t fight it. Just track your thoughts after
interacting with people. It’s an incredible exercise if you do it honestly.
Hopefully I’ve impacted your day a few times through the years. You’ve certainly done that for me. This is going to take some time to get used to, but…
Have a great month, nerds!
(Programming note: If you missed it, read the previous post to understand the once-a-month posts and Top 25 updates. And, if you’ve sent me an email about Nerdville, I finally responded this week. If you didn’t hear back, please make sure to check your spam folder. Finally, if you haven’t reached out yet, it’s not too late)
Ok, 3 topics left. Lots to say, so here we go. I’ll paste some quotes from different readers under each topic because, frankly, your words have been WAY better than mine lately.
Topic 1 – What happens
to MileNerd.com? “If I compare it to the real life, it’s
like a house demolition. A house that I used to live in. I watch that big metal
thing hitting the house, the walls crumble. I may know that there’s a good
cause for this but it won’t make me less sad.” -Alex
Over the last 2 weeks, I’ve learned that there are a lot of unseen
impacts of words. It has been such a jarring thing to experience (in a good
way). I really had no idea.
There were a couple of good offers through the years for
MileNerd that didn’t feel right. Those no longer exist. More recently, there
was one reader who seemed like a good option. That didn’t quite work either.
So, here’s what I’m planning with MileNerd.com…
“I respect your writing.
Don’t leave us yet.” -Matthew
Unfortunately, my life/health are a bit challenging and blah blah blah. Long story short, I just can’t keep writing every day. At some point, someone connected to this blog will feel right…and I’ll transition to that person here. Until then, what I will do is keep the Top 25 Credit Card list updated once a month. I know a bunch of you use it, so there’s no need for me to “demolish the house” completely. Obviously, January has been a little crazy…but I’ll pick that up for February 1st. As always, I’ll try to keep the offers current…but it won’t be perfect. If you see out-of-date information, I always appreciate when you let me know. It’s a big help with the editing.
“You will be so missed. I’m
not sure what I will miss more…your eloquence or your humor. When you are
writing from your heart about matters that mean something to you you are
incredibly eloquent. I’m not sure if you truly know that but you
should.” -Lori
Of course not. More often than not, I’ve completely bumbled my attempts to communicate. But what I did realize over the last 2 weeks was that some of you cared less about what was written here than you did about how it was written. It’s hilarious when you think about it. A blog built on “the fewest words possible” and more readers seem to look forward to the long posts. Again, it’s just not possible to continue. But I’ll try not to “demolish the house” completely. While I still have the website (for however long that is)…I’ll put up one post a month just to continue SOME writing. I’m aware the new group isn’t for everyone and some of you just want to keep reading something. It really won’t be much more than a retired guy who still goes to his office Christmas party. But I’ll keep writing something on the first of the month. Not sure what that will be…it could be a post about my love for nachos…or maybe an essay on Michael Jordan’s weird love for baggy jeans. To be very clear, this is still retirement…the days of 5 posts a week about miles and points are over for good. I’m just talking about popping in once a month so I don’t take a wrecking ball to the walls. Nothing more.
Finally, I assume there are at least some who show up for the actual original purpose of the blog…short deal posts without the fluff. If that’s the case, I think anyone (who has interest in it) could duplicate that aspect of this in a much better way. By using tools that weren’t as common 8 years ago. I think this is all someone would need to do to provide the same service as the short deal post side of MileNerd…
Start a very specific Twitter account.
Link to deals (not articles about deals) with a simple, one-sentence description.
Only significant deals. And only in this travel niche.
None of the fluff. Limit it to stuff almost everyone is interested in. Status match offers, great rental car promos, 10,000 Amex point promos, a great new card offer, etc.
No small talk. No chatter. No conversations on that account. Just the significant deals. Nothing else.
Again, no links to articles or blog pages. Just point to the deal with a short description.
No concern for increasing followers. And, obviously, no links to pimp bloggers. Very simple. Stick to the formula. Repeat.
There are typically not more than 10 deals per week that really matter to the people who want this type of service. Every blog has a different purpose, but the audience in the niche I’m referring to is only concerned with the good stuff. And they want it simple. So, if you’re tweeting with that account much more than 10 times a week…it’s getting too complicated. If you want to focus on a different niche like gift card offers, you can also set up a different account for that.
I’m not sure anyone is interested in doing it like that…but, if so, I think it’s an easy way to replace the simplicity/no fluff deal portion of MileNerd. That said, it does seem (ironically) that the original purpose of this wasn’t really the main thing for many readers who loved this place.
Topic 2 – The response to last week’s post
“I am literally fighting back tears. I
commend you for taking that step and putting that story out there. It’s not
easy to do and I’m sure you spent awhile even bringing yourself to post it.
Thank you. Thank you for having that courage to post it.” – Sophia
I mean, it wasn’t just one post. Your emails throughout the last 2 weeks have been incredible. But so many were about the Partition post in particular. Some from people who’d never written to a blogger/stranger before. It seemed to resonate in a different way. So, I feel like I owe a somewhat articulate response here…
I spent so much time in my life searching (desperately) for
validation. Good chance I wasn’t alone in doing that. Maybe it’s just part of our
human experience. But, at some point, I felt like I stopped. You grow up…or at
least grow old…and don’t crawl around begging for approval in quite the same
way. The thing is…when you do receive it…the impact still hits you. It gets
into your heart in unexpected ways. The last 2 weeks have really kicked the
shit out of me (to put it poetically). The recent feeling of connection to you
guys has been unlike anything I’ve felt over the 8 years of doing this. For
example, reader Micah actually set up a GoFundMe page to raise money for what
would be my dream project.
Oh, and I’ve never met Micah.
That’s off-the-charts ridiculous. Not something I’ve ever experienced.
I thought about it for a few days and finally asked her to
take the page down.
Am I nuts? Well, of course, but I’m certainly not
anti-money. Case in point…I had one reader (Joe) who actually sent me a Venmo payment
to say thank you. He said put it aside for whenever the documentary becomes
possible. And I’m sure as hell keeping it.
Again, this last 2 weeks was incredible.
Really abnormal.
As far as the GoFundMe…I just can’t post a money request for a documentary that might never happen. I’m in no position to start working on it right now, have nothing (other than one dude’s Venmo payment) to put towards it, and am not close to being able to start on it. The 5 or 6 of you who made GoFundMe offers (crazy generous as you are) were probably not going to make a big dent. Unless one of you is secretly Bill Gates. But, if that’s the case, what the hell are you doing collecting points? Anyway…I don’t know what else to say…promoting a GoFundMe page for a documentary that might never happen didn’t feel right. That’s why I asked her to take it down.
I deeply appreciate all of your words about that post…Joe and Micah, you guys are incredible…and the others who wanted to contribute are too. Maybe one day it’ll happen. If not, I did get plenty out of telling the story here and hearing your responses.
Topic 3 – Nerdville
“I am sad to see the
MileNerd blog come to an end, but I absolutely would like to move forward with
the new evolution of the next chapter in this saga.” -Valerie
The foundation for this group will be to construct a team of
friends. We’ll start with our common interests – like miles, points, deals, and
travel – and then we’ll grow from there. Here’s a quick way of knowing if it’s
a good fit or not:
Probably not a good fit
if you:
Are wishy-washy about the idea or only
moderately interested,
Think this will be like any other group,
Will always feel that deals matter more than
relationships,
Could typically be described as difficult to be
around, a pill, or a douche.
Probably will be a good fit if you:
Are excited about the idea and have room in your
life for this,
Think of yourself as a deal and/or travel
person,
Are interested in connecting and sharing,
Believe you are a good team player.
What will it grow into? We’ll need to wait and see. From a
deal perspective, it’s certainly easier to talk in a private group than it is on
a public blog. But it’s going to be about us, not me. We’d be screwed if I’m
the smartest person there. Luckily, there’s basically no chance of that. It
needs to be a real team in every sense. And, obviously, size is a factor. This
is still coming from MileNerd, so “the biggest possible group” absolutely is not
the goal. I’m looking for quality. But I also don’t want to make it seem like a
chopping block process either. Here’s what I know…
Add a step of DOING and it typically eliminates quite a few people.
Even if the DOING is just sending an email. So, if you’re interested, don’t
feel like this is some kind of pointless lottery or something. If you really
want to be part of it, let me know and I’ll do my part – which is trying to
figure out how to make it work.
Let’s do it like this, guys. If you’re interested, please do
the following:
Send me a quick note with the subject Nerdville. Most of you already have my email address, but if not, the contact button is on the top of the page.
Write anything you’d like to get out of the group. It could be a long description or a single word. Anything you feel like saying.
Obviously, I’m going to get quite a few emails. I’ll need to organize this. The main thing at this point will be having individual conversations to figure out the right fit. It’s a ton of work, so I’ll probably just type a pre-written set of questions I can use to get to try and get to know you, where you’re coming from, etc. Give me a couple of weeks to reply to these emails please. Eventually, I’ll also need someone to help me with some tech stuff. But not yet.
It’s going to be a lot of initial work but I believe it will be well worth the effort. I know there’s a unique group here. I see this as the beginning of some great relationships and a VERY special place. Please just give me a little time to get it all set up.
If you’re a “heavy hitter” who is uninterested in friendships and a group like the one I described above…but would like to get into a different small group with similar types, you can send a note too. Just let me know what you’re looking for and I’ll see if I can figure something different out for you as well.
If you have any expertise – credit cards, travel, spending, reselling, booking awards, technical glitches, finding loopholes, or anything else – it’s obviously a big plus. We’ll talk about that soon. For now, just a quick email to let me know you’re interested is great. Even if your main skill is that you’re a great team player and eager to grow, that’s helpful. It has to start with friendship. Even on a basic level, friends don’t treat each other with any of the all-too-familiar online BS – dickishness, speaking in code, talking down to other, trying to make them feel small, putting deals over relationships, etc. Those aren’t the types of people who can make this special. It’s irrelevant how sharp someone is if they don’t really want to be on a team.
Finally…
If the group isn’t for you, no problem at all. You can still always reach out to me with any questions. Or if you ever want to share any comments, rumors, deals, rants, etc. I write back to everyone so, if you don’t get a reply, please check your spam folder. I guess, for some of you, this is probably goodbye. If that’s the case, please feel free to keep in touch. I’m not on any social media other than a personal Facebook page listed on the sidebar. Pretty inactive there. If this is, in fact, goodbye…thank you for your support. I tried my best to provide you something of value. It has been a real pleasure. The days of this being a daily miles and points blog are now officially over. For the last time…
We’re closing in on the end of the week here, guys…
So, have the last few days been intense?
Uh…
-Will Vanna and Pat end the next Wheel of Fortune with super awkward banter? -Is LAX a bad airport? -Does Superman weirdly wear underwear on the outside of his pants?
(For non-game show fans, the answer to all of those is “of
course”)
I think a big part of why I wrote Friday’s post was because you
deserve to know how I’m wired. But, for 8 years, many of you didn’t even know I
was an Indian guy.
(In fairness, I probably didn’t even know that myself until
I was 23 or so)
I wrote in one way for a long time here and the last 2 weeks
have been different. But I don’t need this level of attention. I’m good. So,
let’s bring it back to you today…
The best part of this 8 years was Forrest Gumping this
special group of people together – You.
The worst part was not REALLY bringing this group of people
together…except in a Yahoo Mail inbox.
(Yes, I’m well aware that it’s strange to still use Yahoo Mail)
The end of a daily blog is one thing…but do you really think
I’m about to slam the door on you?
Please.
MileNerd was never about numbers…and there’s no desire to “grow”
in a that sense…so why do we need to do it as a blog? What if I can give you
the same thing in a MUCH better way?
I’d like to take this private.
I’d like to stop making it a one-person monologue.
And I’d like to take these “could be” friendships and
actually start building those relationships.
If it isn’t clear enough yet, I’m talking about bringing this
group together. Building a team. A place where we can all connect, rather than sitting
around listening to me talk about Tom Cruise. For lack of a better name, why
don’t we call it NerdGroup for now. Or maybe Nerdville? Either one. Here’s what
I see…
No bullshit, you guys are unique. It’s certainly not the “normal” collection of people found on most mile/point blogs. This really shouldn’t be limited to one voice. In fact, I strongly believe the last 8 years have been about bringing the right people together.
I see Nerdville as a real group of friends. I believe, after a year or two of relationships growing…you’ll basically have a friend wherever you go in the country. That’s how I see it coming together. Sound too good to be true? If so, then it’s probably not the right fit for you. It isn’t just going to be some surface-level Facebook or Slack group. This will be something different. Like MileNerd was. And it certainly won’t be for everyone. So, tomorrow, if you’re excited about the sound of that…I’ll tell you my vision.
What’s more teary-eyed than a roomful of millennials watching
puppy videos on Youtube?
This guy.
(Damn, that made no sense)
Emotions are weird, right? You really can’t plan or prepare for them…they just kind of show up. Man, this last couple of weeks…
Yesterday morning, I even had a voicemail waiting for me. It
was someone I’d never spoken to in my life. A man saying something like, “Is
this MileNerd? Can you please call me back?”
(After typing that, I realize it would probably be creepy under different circumstances)
But I called him back and it wasn’t creepy AT ALL. Just an incredibly sweet conversation between two people who’d never spoken before. It made two days a little brighter. And there have been quite a few of those conversations over the last few days (granted, this was the only one that happened over the phone). Emotions are a surprise. But, man, there have been a lot of surprises lately.
No big secret…I’ve had strong opinions about the ways people interact over technology. Comment sections, social media, and the whole anonymity thing…no shortage of weird stuff happening there. The “growth” of technology has totally changed the way people communicate.
Here’s a quick story…
My youngest sister is 15 years younger than me. A few years
ago, she was out at a restaurant/bar. Teenage years. A normal, somewhat shy boy
from school…a kid she never really talked to…was also at the restaurant/bar.
They didn’t speak or even look at each other. Hadn’t all year. But he sent her
a text message.
It read, “My girlfriend and I are looking to add someone in
the bedroom. Would you be interested?”
Let’s be honest…that interaction would have been VERY
different without the crutch of technology. Take away the iPhone and here’s how
shy teenage boys approach girls at restaurants…
By awkwardly walking over, mumbling something incoherently,
and sweating profusely. Eventually, an ill-timed voice crack ruins the moment…
But there’s something about summoning the balls to actually connect as a human being. We grow from it. And hiding behind phones and computers changed the way people relate to each other. We’re able to behave differently than we do when exposed in the real world. If that kid at the restaurant had to actually walk over and speak, VERY different words would have come out of his mouth.
8 years ago, when I decided there wasn’t going to be a comment section here…it was a conscious choice. I wanted to distance myself from the weirdness – the ways that people behave when hiding.
Years later, I’ve learned some big lessons from you guys. Real connections happen over technology too. For example, here’s one of the emails from yesterday…
Paul – I’ve been
reading MileNerd this past week with sadness in my heart, knowing that one of
the final bastions of honesty in the points world sounds like it’s coming to an
end. I’ve particularly enjoyed these last few posts because they include much
more of a personal element, and I’m able to get to know you as a person more
than you as a blogger.
As I read today’s
post, particularly that last section targeted to bloggers, I couldn’t help but
feel ashamed. You’re right. You pretty much always have been. I’ve tried to be
honest and straightforward for my readers, but damn it if I didn’t have
thoughts of greed and other unsavory thoughts in my head at times over the
years. Sometimes I acted on them, and looking back I feel shame.
Things have been busy in my normal life and I haven’t prioritized my blog, but I recently brought back Travel Summary. I still don’t write as much as I want to, but I’ll say this: I made a decision to not have any ads or affiliate links, and to not care about traffic, and it feels kind of liberating. Not that I ever chased those things before, but it feels great to just know I can write freely again like I did when I first started when no one found my blog except by accident.
Years ago you
mentioned my blog in a few posts. I was and am grateful, because the
“Milenerd bump” in traffic was and I’m sure still is a real thing.
Then somehow we connected, and I remember you suggested we should meet up since
I’m in OC and I believe you were in LA at the time. I regret not following up
and doing so. I don’t know much about you, but from what I do know you’re the
kind of guy I would want to be friends (or at least acquaintances) with.
If you’re still around
SoCal, I’d love to be able to meet up with you for a meal or a coffee. Let me
know if you’re interested – it would be an honor to finally meet a person I
respect so much.
Again, the point isn’t to pat myself on the bat. I actually wasn’t even saying anything about ads…I was really only talking about being honest. But, here’s my point about that email…
I’ve never met this man. Still, somehow, we’ve made real impacts on each other. He opened himself up to me yesterday in a way that plenty of my “real world” friends never have. We were helpful and supportive of each other. Really, how different is that from a friendship? As much as this can feel like sending words out into the void, relationships are being built.
Aren’t we supposed to be so different and divided these days? Well, that hasn’t been my experience lately. Not with you guys. This week alone, you’ve expressed yourselves, opened up, shared, and even talked about loss. We’ve never met but it sure as hell feels like we’re friends. In a sense, I chose not to have a comment section because I wanted to detach. Your warmth makes that the last thing I want to do 8 years later. And that is a surprise. Thank you for being so willing to connect. And for impacting me in such meaningful ways. I guess, sometimes, we do that without even knowing it’s happening.
