Mile Nerd

No way to let this final week pass without sharing some thoughts on the current state of this game. The first (and most important) question – Is this hobby dead?

Of course not.

If there are points to be earned, there’s still a game to be played.

(And discounted travel to be had)

That said, for most of us, the peak years are probably over. For a long time, we weren’t a blip on anyone’s radar. Companies weren’t worried about weird little nerds trying to vacation for free. We were approved for credit cards by the bucketload. Doors were wide open all over the place.

Today?

Well, it’s different. The “gamers” are definitely on radars. We’re planned for, limited, and sometimes shut down. Plus, there’s a ton of us now. If we look at this hobby as Tom Cruise…we’ve in the moment when he laughed like a psychotic clown and jumped all over Oprah’s couch. Sure, there are still years of good movies to come (Tropic Thunder, some decent Mission Impossible sequels, etc) but peak Cruise isn’t walking through that door.

(I apologize for that exceptionally strange paragraph – even by my standards)

Anyway, the point is, there’s still a game to play. We’re no longer in the prime years. But, so what? We roll on…

Credit Cards
With limits from Chase, Barclays, and Bank Of America…plus all the once-in-a-lifetime stuff at American Express…it’s harder than ever to get approved for cards. Bonuses are challenging. So what do we do?

At this point, it’s helpful to have access to other social security numbers (not in a shady way). I’m talking about your relatives and friends who aren’t interested in credit card signups. They come in handy. Get whatever you can, then get some cards in their name, and then ask someone else. If it’s possible in your life, that’s a pretty effective strategy in these changing times. Just stay organized.

No matter who applies, make sure you keep screenshots of the terms. You never know when you might be in for a bonus fight.

Spending
Since getting approved for cards is challenging these days, spending a lot of money is another way to go. Obviously, it’s NEVER something to mess with if there are any issues keeping debt under control. The main ways you guys have been spending large amounts are: with businesses, friend/family-owned businesses using your cards, reselling, or buying gift cards. The last option is (by far) the most common.

We’ve definitely passed the peak Jerry Maguire years for Mastercard and Visa gift cards. Not dead, but we’ve seen better days. Another option is buying discounted third-party gift cards (Starbucks, Target, Best Buy, etc). It takes some rate-checking with gift card exchanges to make sure you can break even. Of course, the idea is always free points. A little profit is even better. The main concern is making sure that gift card exchange is trustworthy. I should mention a relatively new one that’s run by a friend of the blog. I think there might be some strict volume requirements to remain an active user there but, considering I have no personal experience with it, I have no clue.  I’ve just known them to be honest people. They might be at capacity, but it’s worth checking out and adding to your list of options – if you’re into third-party gift cards.

Travel
One thing that seems to still be in its Rain Man peak is flight deals. And occasional hotel + flight package promos. Really keep your eyes open (particularly if you’re flexible with dates). Websites like TheFlightDeal and SecretFlying keep popping up. Typically, you need to book those deals quickly. Be ready to jump if a great opportunity comes along. For some of you, it’s also worth keeping an eye on the travel category of Slickdeals and the Mileage Run deals on Flyertalk.

Blogs
I’ve gotten the question recently – “Which blogs would you recommend once you’re gone?” From a deal perspective, it’s not really necessary to read a long list of them anymore. The good stuff is posted on dozens (maybe even hundreds) of different websites. At this point, Doctor Of Credit pretty much has everything covered. He does one thing I disagree with (which I’ll talk about in a second), but he doesn’t lie to readers. I’m not aware of many other blogs with trustworthy opinions on credit cards. TravelBloggerBuzz is another good one that comes to mind. It’s run by a man named George (who knows he’s driven me nuts on more than one occasion). But I respect that he’ll never mislead you. Neither guy will push you into bad deals. And, as far as I know, that’s still a rare thing for blogs. I can’t say for sure…my focus has been on the people here. Just be selective about who you take advice from. As always, I’m not a fan of Bowtie, The Points Guy, or most of Boarding Area.

Before moving on, I’d like to speak to any bloggers who are reading. Probably my last opportunity to do so here. I know a few of you and am pretty sure there are others lurking in the shadows (possibly in a creepy Hamburglar mask or something). Bloggers, since I’m on my way out of the world of miles and points blogs, let me ask something that I’ve always been curious about…

When you see higher bonuses on a card but talk up your inferior offer as “the best available” – how does that feel? Or, when you won’t post great offers because they don’t pay you – is that a strange sensation? Wait, I don’t actually care. Let’s do this another way…

Dear honest blogger who has chosen to link to those types of websites-
Why do you do it?
Allow me to answer that. We both know it’s not about a “hat tip.” It’s a big circle jerk you do for return traffic. Well, you don’t mislead readers on your website, right? So, take a stand and stop sending newbies to pimps. You know very well the only “person” you need to credit for a Hertz rental car promo is Hertz. That’s who “broke” the deal. A new Citibank card? Guess where that deal comes from…Citibank. You choose to see it a different way because you don’t want to make waves. But I’m asking this one thing of you on my way out. Take a stand. Protect your readers. Just because you’re not lying to them doesn’t mean you should send them to websites that will. At least think about it?

This chapter of “Nerdy Weirdo Says Goodbye” was supposed to be about my biggest missteps here. Those are coming. But I need to respond to something and am clueless how to do it appropriately. Friday’s post was extremely meaningful to me. Dim bulb that I am, I didn’t expect it to resonate so much with anyone else.

I’m going to share a sample of the emails from the weekend. If ego stroking were the goal, I’d have done this all along rather than waiting 8 years. No, the reason I want to post them now is to give you a feel for being in my shoes. A sense of what I’ve been reading for the last 3 days. Why? Because I really want you to understand how difficult it is to stop. After seeing this level of support, hopefully you’ll experience why I say this is a team. I’m dealing with some challenges right now that make it impossible to continue another year. But it’s VERY hard to write these last posts and I’m trying hard to give you a glimpse.

Even on the island, Tom Hanks would rather talk to an antisocial volleyball than be alone. Being cared about is something we all need, right? We all want to connect. So, imagine waking up to an email like this from someone you’ve never even been in the same room with:

“Good morning MileNerd,

I have only had the pleasure of reading your blog the last couple of years. Wish I knew better several years ago. Thank you for the great post this morning, although I’m sure it was most difficult at times for you to share with your readership. For me it was difficult to read at times, but I think it will be of help to me in the future.

I have struggled for too many years now with the death of one of my children, and haven’t got to the point where I really need to express myself in so many ways. As hard as your post was to read, it is also somehow inspiring.

I wish you the greatest success in coming to terms with this part of your life, and wish you the best in deciding how to document it in the future. I will truly miss your blog, and wish you all the best.”

Hopefully that gives you a better idea of how difficult this week is. Another reader shared the story of losing his mother and how the timing of this post impacted his life. I mean…this is a miles and points blog. From a guy who posts goofy pictures. Another reader drafted a GoFundMe page for A PERSON SHE’S NEVER MET that’s ready to be published if I choose to share it. Obviously, I’m overwhelmed. And confused. And touched. So, I’ll post a sample of the emails below, but need to balance it out with an equally important topic – my biggest regrets from MileNerd. I owe some apologies. Here are the top 3 biggest ones:

-A little backstory. I grew up as an ultra-skinny Indian kid in West Virginia…6 feet tall and 145 pounds. Couldn’t gain a pound even after setting alarms in the middle of the night to drink weight-gainer milkshakes. Definitely hadn’t grown into my big nose. To put it mildly, I was NOT a ladies man. My role? Funny sidekick who girls talked to about the boys they actually liked. In college, I finally started putting on weight and looked slightly less awkward. For the first time, I was experiencing some attention from the opposite sex. But…here’s the thing…literally for another DECADE, every time a woman was attracted to me…I was legitimately confused. My internal monologue was, “Wait, you want me? The funny sidekick guy? I don’t understand.” My point is this…

Sometimes, our brains don’t catch up to their new reality. You think of yourself as the guy who can’t get a date… in the middle of a date. Or the “skinny guy” who is currently sucking in his gut. In these 8 years of blogging, I made some mistakes because my brain wasn’t caught up. This was the worst example…

Years ago, a lady started a miles and points blog. She reached out for some advice. I don’t remember what started annoying me about the conversations…she asked why I curse so much or something totally insignificant…and innocently asked if I’d mention her. The point is, she did nothing. I was WAY too harsh when mentioning her in a post. By all indications, she was a nice person who wasn’t misleading anyone. I embarrassed myself. And, what made it weirder…some people cheered me on for that. Leana, I apologize. I hope you’re still writing. My goal here was to help people and I did it with almost everyone who reached out. For some reason, I didn’t do that with you and I regret it to this day. There was no excuse for it. My brain didn’t understand that I had the power to hurt you…it was too busy protecting itself from being hurt.

-Next regret. When I started MileNerd, nobody was called out for anything. Dishonest bloggers were lying left and right with no pushback. I felt it was my responsibility to speak up. One of those early posts was called, “Why Everyone Sucks” or something similarly poetic. Decent writing for me at the time and there were many other posts like it. The thing is…

I made a big contribution to what I guess could be called “ranting culture” in this particular hobby. It spread quickly like a rash. And there’s a problem with that contribution…

If people start ranting for every little thing, it becomes indistinguishable noise. When everything is an “issue,” the real problems are drowned out. Logic should be the foundation. But, I’m regularly sent posts of people trying to “rant” about non-issues. Often in nonsensical ways. In fairness, it probably would have happened eventually with Twitter coming. A new generation of “hot takes” – often just dumb shit expressed with over-the-top emotion. A quick way to gain likes and cheers. Even if it was bound to happen, I’m the miles and points pioneer of it. Definitely helped create that mess. Another regret.

-Finally, this one has to do with you guys. The reason for no social media and no comment section was simple. How people communicate in those “areas,” in many cases, really weirds me out. That behavior often devolves into impersonal and cold internet talk. Sometimes rude. And I didn’t want to be a part of that. I wanted to connect to people in a human way. With very few exceptions, that’s what happened. People who send emails (in my experience) don’t dive into weird comment section behavior.

Well, somewhere along the line, it became obvious that MileNerd readers were a different bunch. I regret that I didn’t try a comment section to give you guys a chance to interact with each other. To form some relationships with the other special people here. I hope to remedy that very soon.

Ok, now that I’ve talked about the times I sucked, I feel a little more comfortable closing with some emails to help paint a picture of my weekend. And what I’m experiencing this week…

“Paul, I am so very sorry that your family’s history has had so much tragedy in it. As a Jew who lost family in the Holocaust, and who has known and loved survivors of that tragedy, I am not a stranger to how hard and complicated it is for the survivors and for their children.

If you “figure out a way to pursue my dream project again” please let your friends on the MileNerd list know about it. My bet is that I am not the only one who would step up to help you tell your story more broadly. And if not, that’s OK too. Again, I am surely not the only one who learned from reading Chapter 4, and while very saddened, I am glad to have been so enlightened.”

“I just read your posting on your life story. Oh, my! I don’t know what to say, other than THANK YOU for sharing. And of course, I am one of many that wish you the very best.”

“I came to this hobby only recently and discovered your blog even later. Thank you for your honest approach to miles and points. More, though, thank you for having the generosity to tell your personal story in these last posts. I’m a writer and editor, but I am unable to find the right words to tell you after reading about your family story. Best wishes to you in the next phase of your life. Take care.”

“Whether you have a duty to tell this story in another way, or should prioritize it over other things is not something where I can offer any insight. But if you were to start a kickstarter or gofundme, I think that I and other admirers would offer support. I came to your blog for the information. As I discovered that I don’t have the love for the miles game or the energy to play it, I slowly stopped reading miles and points blogs, but kept coming back here.  I’m not sure why, something about the writing or the love underlying it held onto me.”

“Hello, Mr. Nerd. Like many, many others, I am sad to see you go.  You have been a bright light in this world.

About 18 months ago, I started a travel blog — and I didn’t like it.  What I was writing wasn’t me.  I had the good fortune to speak briefly with Pauline Frommer (of Frommer’s Guide) who said, “Everyone is doing what you are doing” — which was writing just another blog with advertisers, click-bait, reviews, etc.  Who cares.

I spent a few months looking at blogs. There was nothing special about most of them. They were interchangeable and forgettable.

But I always liked yours: pithy, no nonsense, like-me-or-leave. I rebooted my blog, keeping in mind your model. I write for myself and I have fun.  I am officially launching it this week, and have almost a year of articles ready to publish (weekly).  Hooray!  I easily have enough material to last another four years.

My online magazine encourages other writers to submit their stories so I can publish on their behalf.  Those who do not have a blog of their own can still get their stories out there.

So, my virtual friend, if you ever decide you have something to say but no longer have the means, please visit my site at www.awaTravels.com.  You will always be welcome.”

“This will sound trite and shallow after yesterday’s post of yours, but I’ve read your blog for years. I cannot say thank you enough for the countless promotions, points, etc that you have alerted me and all your readers about. Your voice has come through over countless holiday/new years posts, I feel as if I know you.”

“You’ll be sorely missed, but I hope this means you are chasing your dream. Best of luck to you, and if you ever wonder past Kansas City, the beers and BBQ are on me as a thank you.”

“Words cannot express the gratitude I have for you.  Your blog has always been a wonderful source of information and humor.  I appreciate the time you’ve taken. I just finished ready the story of your father. Talk about a hard dose of reality.  Your old man is one tough guy.  What I have learned from my years as a family attorney, is that you really can’t judge a book by its cover. There are so many stories that people have which go untold and end up unknown or forgotten. I hope you will tell your father’s story one day, if not the story of the Partition. Thank your dad for me. Without him, we wouldn’t have you.”

Where I Come From

Everyone has a story, right?

Most of you have been loyal readers for years. And, since 2011, you’ve heard from “MileNerd” here. No pictures of me as the blog logo. Today, with one of my final posts, I’d like to talk about where I came from. Me, not MileNerd. If you’re interested, here we go…

In the time of Gandhi (about 70 years ago), there was something called Partition. We don’t read about it in our history books, but it was one of the most violent times you can imagine. As the British rule over India ended, one nation was split into two. In a historically disorganized way. To this day, nobody quite understands why it was done so quickly. Boundary lines were drawn by a lawyer who had previously never even visited India. It was a mess from start to finish…

Partition was one of the largest forced migrations in the history of our planet. Millions of people trying to get where they were being forced to go. Individual families were separated. And the mess quickly turned into a massacre. To give you an idea of that time…mothers were throwing their daughters down wells. Literally killing their children to spare them from the rapes and brutality that were going to happen otherwise. If you have kids, it’s probably impossible to imagine. But that’s how bad this was.

My dad was an infant at the time of Partition. His family (mother, father, and sister) were attempting to get to safety. They never found it. All were murdered with machetes and left in the dirt. My dad was next. They took chunks out of his arm and neck and left him to bleed to death. To this day, he has a kind of “dent” in his forearm. As a kid, I remember asking where it came from. He’d always give me a different story – “From a robber,” “It got stuck in a door,” or whatever else he could come up with. The only reason he survived was because a small child picked him up and carried him to a nearby village. His life was saved that day and he was raised by a family as “one of their own.” Not really. Something always pulled at him. He never understood why he felt like an outsider in his own home. But he did. Something felt off. Why was he always being called inside to show visitors his scars? He grew up never knowing any of his story.

Many years later, as a young man, my dad moved to Canada. It was a challenging journey, involving cargo ships and extreme conditions. He’d always been frail, so there was a good chance he wouldn’t survive the trip. But one thing my dad is…is a survivor. He made it to Canada. And, soon after arriving, a cousin told him the truth about his real family. The entire village knew his tale, as it was common knowledge to everyone but my dad. This devastated him beyond belief. Nothing he knew was real, and the only people he loved had lied to him his entire life.

He took jobs at a gas station and on an assembly line. Eventually, he saved up the money needed to make it back to India to find some answers. But the “parents” who had raised him had died within that year. The “brother” he was raised with had committed suicide. Through a lot of digging, he found that even the little boy who saved his life had died. There was not going to be any closure.

None of that would match the devastation of what he learned next. He was reminded of an incident when he was a teenage boy. An old man saw him playing in the street and ran up to hug him. This man was crying, totally overwhelmed with emotion. He hugged my dad and wouldn’t let go…but, within seconds, he was threatened, talked to privately, and eventually led away…told never to come back. This man was my dad’s real father. He’d survived and had spent years trying to locate his boy. After being banished from the village, told that he would only do damage…he later adopted 2 other sons. But he never allowed them to call him “dad.” He would say, “I already have a son.”

Those adopted boys didn’t have much. Their inheritance was going to be a pretty worthless piece of land and a gun. There was only one other thing of value – a notebook.

Inside the notebook was a lifetime of loving communication from a father to his long-lost son. All of the things he was never able to tell him. And a note that said if his son ever showed up, the worthless land and gun would go to him too.

That old man (my grandfather) died the same year my dad went back to India. The adopted boys desperately needed the gun and land, so they burned that notebook. Those pieces of paper would have meant everything to my dad, but he never got to read them. He never really got any closure at all. I don’t think he ever believed he mattered to anyone. Many years later, he wanted to tell me (his only son) this story. He was waiting until I was old enough, but didn’t get that opportunity either. Another distant relative told me everything when I was 15 at a mall food court.

Growing up, all I knew was that my dad wasn’t really there. I knew he wasn’t present, but couldn’t understand why. It was before the days of anti-depressants and therapy, so things were very different. I remember so many nights when he’d come home from work, not say anything, and go eat dinner in his bedroom. I’d wait by the door hoping to catch a smile or a hug. But I just don’t think he knew what it was to be in a family. To feel that security. I wish I could say I was understanding of what he’d been through. But I guess I was just a kid who wanted his dad to love him.

A few years ago, I was on a plane to New Orleans and got overwhelmed with emotion. Something hit me very suddenly. I felt a wave of clarity that I’d never experienced. I was going to make a documentary about this – Partition…my dad…and the ripple effects one moment can have even 70 years later. It was vividly clear. This was something I had to do. I couldn’t hold back the tears as I sat in that cramped aisle seat next to a lady who smelled like cheese.

Soon, I put all the pieces in place and just had to raise the money to do it. Instantly after mentioning it to a small group of friends, they volunteered to put a few thousand dollars in. A good start. I’m certain I could have taken them up on it and figured out the rest. I could have done it.

But I didn’t.

Now years have gone by. Life happened…and so did fear.

I’ve been incredibly disappointed in myself.

I’m not sure if I needed to do the project for my dad…or because I want to experience a deep relationship with him…or if it’s just a story that people should hear. Probably all of the above. That day 70 years ago changed the course of my life and the life of my family. It’s a big part of where I come from. I had a dream of doing something meaningful with it…more important than anything else…and I didn’t. I let fear and noise get in the way.

That’s a tough pill to swallow.

But, today, I did tell the story. Right here. To you. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll figure out a way to pursue my dream project again. And maybe that’s the lesson here…one that I still need to learn…to not give up on people…on things you want to do…or on yourself.

For the second to last time…have a great weekend, nerds!

Blogging

Other than “What card should I get,” the question I got asked most over the last 8 years was…

“I’m going to start a blog. Do you have any tips?”

To be honest, I never knew what to say. So, I’ll try to sneak this answer in here before the buzzer. Keep in mind, it’s based totally on my experience with a very unusual blog. People found MileNerd with zero help from me. I don’t know a thing about marketing. Me covering that subject would be like a Kardashian discussing ways to age naturally. But here’s what I do know…

There were only 2 things I loved about blogging – the writing and the people.

My first piece of advice should be obvious – you need to love writing. It doesn’t matter if you’re great at it or not. If you enjoy doing it, your skill level will improve in a hurry.

And you’ll find your voice.

Man, that’s not easy. But it’s incredibly important IF you want to be a writer. Some people are more passionate about spitting out data like a robot. Which is totally fine. But it’s not what I think of when you ask about writing a “blog.”

(I realize some would say blogs are a dying relic of the past)

But, if you’re still interested in spite of that…you need to find your voice. Or nobody will find you

So…how?

Well, it’s tricky. Most of us are people pleasers to some degree. I’d avoid inventing a “persona” you think readers will like. Spend more time thinking about what you like. For example, if you’re funny…your writing should put smiles on YOUR face. How can you make us laugh while you’re yawning at your own shit? Really spend time with the basic questions…

• What would you like to see on a blog?
• What’s missing?
• What’s the most interesting side of your personality?
• What do you need to say and why do you need to say it?

Have a clear reason for writing or don’t do it.

If someone’s saying what you want to say in the same way you want to say it…why on earth would you start a blog?

The other thing I love about blogging is the people. And most readers have no clue how important their feedback is. Multiple times per week, I find myself opening an email from a new reader. Someone I’m “meeting” for the first time. And, it often includes a sentence like this:

“This is Manny from Boston. Your blog has been the first thing I read in the morning for years.”

Imagine someone saying that to you. Wouldn’t it would feel incredible?

Of course!

Would it put a little pep in your step that gets you excited to write?

No doubt!

Ok, so let’s look at the same email from a different angle…

Manny has loved your work for years. The deals. The jokes. Whatever it is. Nodding in approval at his laptop. A real appreciation for what you do.

And you literally had no idea he existed until this moment.

Manny has had zero impact on your life until now.

Not in a mean way…but, again, you didn’t even know he existed. So…

At some point, you’ll find yourself on a blog as a reader. One that you love. Maybe it inspires you in some way. Try to remember this post. Especially if that blog is independently written…tell the writer what you think. Reach out, string a few words together, and let them know you exist.

If you got something out of their work, express it.

Because, once you start your own blog…you’ll see just how much those words mean. I think that’s really what this is about in the moments you do it well…

Connecting to another person. And doing it through your own perspective.
The more personal your writing is…the more universal it becomes. Every so often, you might even have the ability to make someone feel less alone. If you can do that once or twice, that’s a big success as far as I can tell. But it has to come from you. That’s basically the only thing I’ve learned from doing this. Hope that helps.

Fernweh

This would be a perfect moment to speak poetically about endings. Unfortunately, I’m kind of an idiot. Poetry isn’t a great idea here (unless you like rhymes that sound like a combination of Humpty Dumpty and Vanilla Ice). I don’t have many answers in life. But what I do have is thousands of emails from you guys. So, I’ll use one of them for inspiration today.

As I mentioned to some friends recently, a reader used a word I’d never heard before:

“Fernweh”

Almost looks like a typo, right?

Loosely translated, here’s what it means…

A longing to travel to distant lands…a kind of homesickness for the unexplored.

Damn, that’s a great word.

(To give him credit, the reader’s name was Miles. Yeah, seriously. Can’t make this stuff up)

From his email:
“I imagine many readers of MileNerd, including myself, have fernweh.”

Was he right?

Know the feeling well?

A longing to travel to distant lands…a kind of homesickness for the unexplored.

Because, honestly, I don’t think everyone does. In fact, growing up in West Virginia, I knew quite a few people who’d never stepped on a plane. They had no desire to. So, it’s probably untrue to think EVERYONE feels wanderlust in such a strong way.

But we do.

If I had to bet on it, Miles was right on the money.

Beyond blogs…and credit cards…and minimum spends…what we actually want is travel. To have adventures. I mean, isn’t that the goal of all this? The other stuff is just a set of tools to get us there.

Again, if I had to bet on it…

I think you daydream about trips you’ve taken. And sometimes of bookings you have yet to make. I’d guess all of us here feel alive when traveling. In many cases, probably more than in our day-to-day worlds.

Let’s not be shy about it – we might be nerds, but we’re also explorers.

And our shared passion for exploration…our fernweh…is a big piece of what connects us here. Well, plus the frugality of not wanting to pay full retail for our adventures. We talk about miles and points every day. But what do we actually get from travel?

I mean, other than $18 cocktails, sunburn, and resort fees…

Personally, I think traveling is a special kind of a magic trick. One that pulls us out of our predictable daily bubbles. And it drops us into an adventure.

Into a more adventurous spirit.  

Man, do we long for that.

Our minds and hearts expand with travel. We see…right in front of us…that this world is more than what our eyes have gotten used to.

And, sometimes, we need to see that.

As you remember your favorite moments of 2018, let me guess…at least one of them happened when traveling. Right?

Because you are an explorer.

And so am I.

May this new year be full of adventures for both of us.

 “We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.” – Anonymous