Last Posts – Chapter 4

Where I Come From

Everyone has a story, right?

Most of you have been loyal readers for years. And, since 2011, you’ve heard from “MileNerd” here. No pictures of me as the blog logo. Today, with one of my final posts, I’d like to talk about where I came from. Me, not MileNerd. If you’re interested, here we go…

In the time of Gandhi (about 70 years ago), there was something called Partition. We don’t read about it in our history books, but it was one of the most violent times you can imagine. As the British rule over India ended, one nation was split into two. In a historically disorganized way. To this day, nobody quite understands why it was done so quickly. Boundary lines were drawn by a lawyer who had previously never even visited India. It was a mess from start to finish…

Partition was one of the largest forced migrations in the history of our planet. Millions of people trying to get where they were being forced to go. Individual families were separated. And the mess quickly turned into a massacre. To give you an idea of that time…mothers were throwing their daughters down wells. Literally killing their children to spare them from the rapes and brutality that were going to happen otherwise. If you have kids, it’s probably impossible to imagine. But that’s how bad this was.

My dad was an infant at the time of Partition. His family (mother, father, and sister) were attempting to get to safety. They never found it. All were murdered with machetes and left in the dirt. My dad was next. They took chunks out of his arm and neck and left him to bleed to death. To this day, he has a kind of “dent” in his forearm. As a kid, I remember asking where it came from. He’d always give me a different story – “From a robber,” “It got stuck in a door,” or whatever else he could come up with. The only reason he survived was because a small child picked him up and carried him to a nearby village. His life was saved that day and he was raised by a family as “one of their own.” Not really. Something always pulled at him. He never understood why he felt like an outsider in his own home. But he did. Something felt off. Why was he always being called inside to show visitors his scars? He grew up never knowing any of his story.

Many years later, as a young man, my dad moved to Canada. It was a challenging journey, involving cargo ships and extreme conditions. He’d always been frail, so there was a good chance he wouldn’t survive the trip. But one thing my dad is…is a survivor. He made it to Canada. And, soon after arriving, a cousin told him the truth about his real family. The entire village knew his tale, as it was common knowledge to everyone but my dad. This devastated him beyond belief. Nothing he knew was real, and the only people he loved had lied to him his entire life.

He took jobs at a gas station and on an assembly line. Eventually, he saved up the money needed to make it back to India to find some answers. But the “parents” who had raised him had died within that year. The “brother” he was raised with had committed suicide. Through a lot of digging, he found that even the little boy who saved his life had died. There was not going to be any closure.

None of that would match the devastation of what he learned next. He was reminded of an incident when he was a teenage boy. An old man saw him playing in the street and ran up to hug him. This man was crying, totally overwhelmed with emotion. He hugged my dad and wouldn’t let go…but, within seconds, he was threatened, talked to privately, and eventually led away…told never to come back. This man was my dad’s real father. He’d survived and had spent years trying to locate his boy. After being banished from the village, told that he would only do damage…he later adopted 2 other sons. But he never allowed them to call him “dad.” He would say, “I already have a son.”

Those adopted boys didn’t have much. Their inheritance was going to be a pretty worthless piece of land and a gun. There was only one other thing of value – a notebook.

Inside the notebook was a lifetime of loving communication from a father to his long-lost son. All of the things he was never able to tell him. And a note that said if his son ever showed up, the worthless land and gun would go to him too.

That old man (my grandfather) died the same year my dad went back to India. The adopted boys desperately needed the gun and land, so they burned that notebook. Those pieces of paper would have meant everything to my dad, but he never got to read them. He never really got any closure at all. I don’t think he ever believed he mattered to anyone. Many years later, he wanted to tell me (his only son) this story. He was waiting until I was old enough, but didn’t get that opportunity either. Another distant relative told me everything when I was 15 at a mall food court.

Growing up, all I knew was that my dad wasn’t really there. I knew he wasn’t present, but couldn’t understand why. It was before the days of anti-depressants and therapy, so things were very different. I remember so many nights when he’d come home from work, not say anything, and go eat dinner in his bedroom. I’d wait by the door hoping to catch a smile or a hug. But I just don’t think he knew what it was to be in a family. To feel that security. I wish I could say I was understanding of what he’d been through. But I guess I was just a kid who wanted his dad to love him.

A few years ago, I was on a plane to New Orleans and got overwhelmed with emotion. Something hit me very suddenly. I felt a wave of clarity that I’d never experienced. I was going to make a documentary about this – Partition…my dad…and the ripple effects one moment can have even 70 years later. It was vividly clear. This was something I had to do. I couldn’t hold back the tears as I sat in that cramped aisle seat next to a lady who smelled like cheese.

Soon, I put all the pieces in place and just had to raise the money to do it. Instantly after mentioning it to a small group of friends, they volunteered to put a few thousand dollars in. A good start. I’m certain I could have taken them up on it and figured out the rest. I could have done it.

But I didn’t.

Now years have gone by. Life happened…and so did fear.

I’ve been incredibly disappointed in myself.

I’m not sure if I needed to do the project for my dad…or because I want to experience a deep relationship with him…or if it’s just a story that people should hear. Probably all of the above. That day 70 years ago changed the course of my life and the life of my family. It’s a big part of where I come from. I had a dream of doing something meaningful with it…more important than anything else…and I didn’t. I let fear and noise get in the way.

That’s a tough pill to swallow.

But, today, I did tell the story. Right here. To you. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll figure out a way to pursue my dream project again. And maybe that’s the lesson here…one that I still need to learn…to not give up on people…on things you want to do…or on yourself.

For the second to last time…have a great weekend, nerds!

milenerdLast Posts – Chapter 4

Last Posts – Chapter 3

Blogging

Other than “What card should I get,” the question I got asked most over the last 8 years was…

“I’m going to start a blog. Do you have any tips?”

To be honest, I never knew what to say. So, I’ll try to sneak this answer in here before the buzzer. Keep in mind, it’s based totally on my experience with a very unusual blog. People found MileNerd with zero help from me. I don’t know a thing about marketing. Me covering that subject would be like a Kardashian discussing ways to age naturally. But here’s what I do know…

There were only 2 things I loved about blogging – the writing and the people.

My first piece of advice should be obvious – you need to love writing. It doesn’t matter if you’re great at it or not. If you enjoy doing it, your skill level will improve in a hurry.

And you’ll find your voice.

Man, that’s not easy. But it’s incredibly important IF you want to be a writer. Some people are more passionate about spitting out data like a robot. Which is totally fine. But it’s not what I think of when you ask about writing a “blog.”

(I realize some would say blogs are a dying relic of the past)

But, if you’re still interested in spite of that…you need to find your voice. Or nobody will find you

So…how?

Well, it’s tricky. Most of us are people pleasers to some degree. I’d avoid inventing a “persona” you think readers will like. Spend more time thinking about what you like. For example, if you’re funny…your writing should put smiles on YOUR face. How can you make us laugh while you’re yawning at your own shit? Really spend time with the basic questions…

  • What would you like to see on a blog?
  • What’s missing?
  • What’s the most interesting side of your personality?
  • What do you need to say and why do you need to say it?

Have a clear reason for writing or don’t do it.

If someone’s saying what you want to say in the same way you want to say it…why on earth would you start a blog?

The other thing I love about blogging is the people. And most readers have no clue how important their feedback is. Multiple times per week, I find myself opening an email from a new reader. Someone I’m “meeting” for the first time. And, it often includes a sentence like this:

“This is Manny from Boston. Your blog has been the first thing I read in the morning for years.”

Imagine someone saying that to you. Wouldn’t it would feel incredible?

Of course!

Would it put a little pep in your step that gets you excited to write?

No doubt!

Ok, so let’s look at the same email from a different angle…

Manny has loved your work for years. The deals. The jokes. Whatever it is. Nodding in approval at his laptop. A real appreciation for what you do.

And you literally had no idea he existed until this moment.

Manny has had zero impact on your life until now.

Not in a mean way…but, again, you didn’t even know he existed. So…

At some point, you’ll find yourself on a blog as a reader. One that you love. Maybe it inspires you in some way. Try to remember this post. Especially if that blog is independently written…tell the writer what you think. Reach out, string a few words together, and let them know you exist.

If you got something out of their work, express it.

Because, once you start your own blog…you’ll see just how much those words mean. I think that’s really what this is about in the moments you do it well…

Connecting to another person. And doing it through your own perspective.
The more personal your writing is…the more universal it becomes. Every so often, you might even have the ability to make someone feel less alone. If you can do that once or twice, that’s a big success as far as I can tell. But it has to come from you. That’s basically the only thing I’ve learned from doing this. Hope that helps.

milenerdLast Posts – Chapter 3

Last Posts – Chapter 2

Fernweh

This would be a perfect moment to speak poetically about endings. Unfortunately, I’m kind of an idiot. Poetry isn’t a great idea here (unless you like rhymes that sound like a combination of Humpty Dumpty and Vanilla Ice). I don’t have many answers in life. But what I do have is thousands of emails from you guys. So, I’ll use one of them for inspiration today.

As I mentioned to some friends recently, a reader used a word I’d never heard before:

“Fernweh”

Almost looks like a typo, right?

Loosely translated, here’s what it means…

A longing to travel to distant lands…a kind of homesickness for the unexplored.

Damn, that’s a great word.

(To give him credit, the reader’s name was Miles. Yeah, seriously. Can’t make this stuff up)

From his email:
“I imagine many readers of MileNerd, including myself, have fernweh.”

Was he right?

Know the feeling well?

A longing to travel to distant lands…a kind of homesickness for the unexplored.

Because, honestly, I don’t think everyone does. In fact, growing up in West Virginia, I knew quite a few people who’d never stepped on a plane. They had no desire to. So, it’s probably untrue to think EVERYONE feels wanderlust in such a strong way.

But we do.

If I had to bet on it, Miles was right on the money.

Beyond blogs…and credit cards…and minimum spends…what we actually want is travel. To have adventures. I mean, isn’t that the goal of all this? The other stuff is just a set of tools to get us there.

Again, if I had to bet on it…

I think you daydream about trips you’ve taken. And sometimes of bookings you have yet to make. I’d guess all of us here feel alive when traveling. In many cases, probably more than in our day-to-day worlds.

Let’s not be shy about it – we might be nerds, but we’re also explorers.

And our shared passion for exploration…our fernweh…is a big piece of what connects us here. Well, plus the frugality of not wanting to pay full retail for our adventures. We talk about miles and points every day. But what do we actually get from travel?

I mean, other than $18 cocktails, sunburn, and resort fees…

Personally, I think traveling is a special kind of a magic trick. One that pulls us out of our predictable daily bubbles. And it drops us into an adventure.

Into a more adventurous spirit.  

Man, do we long for that.

Our minds and hearts expand with travel. We see…right in front of us…that this world is more than what our eyes have gotten used to.

And, sometimes, we need to see that.

As you remember your favorite moments of 2018, let me guess…at least one of them happened when traveling. Right?

Because you are an explorer.

And so am I.

May this new year be full of adventures for both of us.

 “We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us.” – Anonymous

milenerdLast Posts – Chapter 2

Last Posts – Chapter 1

Why Write?

Ever meet a person who can remember dates with the accuracy of a computer?

“Honey, this snowstorm is like the one from January 12 years ago. If I recall, it started on a Wednesday during the credits of Desperate Housewives and…”

Yeah, I don’t have that kind of computer in my head. My brain is more like an old, rusty toaster. So I had to look the dates up…      

This blog started in 2011.

(My toaster-brained guess would have been way off)

8 years is a hell of a long time to do…well, anything. But, then again, our lives wouldn’t have intersected if MileNerd didn’t exist. So that’s a big part of what I got out of nearly a decade of this…

A VERY unique community.

This group can’t be found anywhere but here. I mean, clearly, MileNerd attracts a specific type. Humorless stiffs would never “get” this blog. Those who see The Points Guy as a dependable website for credit card advice were never going to end up here. And so on. To put it mildly, I did this in a quirky way. So if a total of 13 readers showed up…that would have been cool. The fact that it turned into thousands of people was surprising. Honestly, I’ve been thinking about these last posts for almost a year. And I keep remembering a conversation from 2011. It was with someone who…how do I put this…would never be a reader here. The conversation didn’t go well. Maybe I was too impatient. Who knows. But his computer brain couldn’t process a basic fact…

Not everyone sees people as numbers.

(Ok, time to tell that story)

Before the end of the first year, a pimp…I mean, a blogger…asked a question about MileNerd’s “conversion rate.” My toaster brain was confused. I needed him to explain. Well, it was a formula for the number of readers he converts into commissions. Often from inferior credit card offers. As he explained, people are converted to commissions with little phrases. Things like, “This is an awesome card to get today” or “Don’t miss this one.” Getting followers is easy, he continued. And I saw what he meant. Manipulating people was almost like an art form. Or some kind of weird science experiment. They even thanked him afterwards. Instead of being upset….they actually took time out of their day to defend him post-manipulation. I saw just how simple it is to tweak someone’s thoughts.

To tell them what to think.

So, I answered his question – my “rate” was zero. I was hoping to list the best bonuses on this new blog. And commissions weren’t possible if posting some of that stuff.

I’ll never forget the guy’s response…

Because he laughed in my face.  

Imagine talking to a competitive hot dog eater whose goal is to swallow as many sausages as possible. What if his brain couldn’t accept that humans exist who choose to eat a single hot dog? That’s kind of what it felt like. From his perspective, zero was hilarious. Or maybe he felt I was a zero. Man, I get it. This is a life-changing gold mine when truth is optional. When you’re able to see readers as numbers and nothing more. But I’d had enough of the conversation. Enough of him. So I asked this millionaire one frustrated question…

Do you enjoy bullshitting people into trusting you?

(It was, unsurprisingly, the last time we spoke)

As far as I know, tricking a person into loyalty isn’t a real relationship. Trust has to be earned. At least that’s what I believe. And I’m pretty damn sure you agree. It’s probably at the root of why you’re here. You know you’ll never be lied to on this website. Now, I’m not some Jesus-meets-Buddha superhero who takes pride in being broke…I’d love the money that other bloggers with audiences have. I could certainly use it. But here’s the best I can explain how this went another way…

8 years ago, there wasn’t a miles/points blog to send my mom. Not an honest one. It just didn’t exist. And Flyertalk wasn’t an option. She didn’t have 5 hours a day to dig through posts that may as well have been written in hieroglyphics.

So I just…started writing.

(Maybe my brain is 50% toaster and 50% Forrest Gump – “I just felt like running”)

I had no clue anyone other than my mom would show up. And I had no idea this would last for 8 years. I just wrote. But, man did MileNerd grow more and more meaningful in my life. Dammit, I really started caring about you weirdos (my toaster brain thinks the feeling was mutual). So…I typed posts and answered emails. I don’t know else to explain it. Showing up on the USA Today list was never my “goal” and I couldn’t tell you one thing about readership statistics. But none of it was done with any strategy. I mean, other than a basic thought that I believe to be true…when you care about people, you don’t mislead them. That really mattered to me. Probably more than anything. Commissions were never the issue. Dishonesty was.

But did any of this matter to you?

It’s not for me to decide. Whether these years of typing added up to a place that impacted your life in some small way or not. The deals or the writing or the humor. I really hope so. And this rusty toaster brain of mine thinks it probably did matter. Unlike the long string of sales-brochures-disguised-as-blogs…I do believe MileNerd will be missed when it’s gone.

Or not.

I guess we’ll see.

Speaking of which, these are obviously going to be the last few posts on MileNerd as you know it. I mean, I’ve pretty much turned into this version of Forrest Gump.

Guys, there’s so much to say. And I think splitting it up is the best way to digest it. So, I’m going to treat these last few posts kind of like a book divided into chapters. This was the introduction and, for a few more posts, I’ll try to cover everything.

I see MileNerd as a team. Because it is one. I think you’d be surprised to know just how much your emails have meant to me personally through the years. So, I want to open up to you more than I have in the past. That’s part of what these last posts will be about. I want to say some things that might still be unsaid.

Look, truly, I don’t know if I’ve done any of this the “right” way. It’s certainly possible that none of it mattered. Maybe I am a zero. But a professional liar who hustles the people he volunteered to help doesn’t get to decide it. Your opinions are the ones I value. And, by the end of these posts, hopefully you’ll know me, the future of MileNerd, and what happens with our team a lot more clearly. The plan is to write posts that matter to me for a few days…with the hope that you’ll like them too. I’m going to empty the chamber. Then, next week, I’ll end it with what happens here going forward. Does that sound ok? Happy new year, nerds!

milenerdLast Posts – Chapter 1

End Of 2018

2018.

Well, it sure wasn’t boring.

As most of you know, I like to close the MileNerd year with some of the thoughts that are kicking around in my brain. Usually, it’s pretty easy to do…

This year is a little different.

There’s just so much to say. For many reasons. And with no possibility of wrapping it up in a one-post bow, I’ll just stick to a single topic to close out 2018…

Do you ever observe old people? I mean REALLY observe them?

I ask because it’s one of my biggest passions.

Usually, I look into those eyes and see the pain of a lifetime. The cumulative beatdown of a journey that didn’t go according to plan. It’s something I know all too well. The defining moment of my dad’s life was a major tragedy that rocked his world. He never asked for it. He never signed up for it. But that uppercut to his heart was delivered with such force that he still feels the ripple effects 70 years later. Sure, he lived a life, had a family, and built a career…but he could never really leave that moment.

And then sometimes I observe a different type of old person…

You look into their eyes and see a childlike twinkle. The kind of person who…through a combination of courage, effort, and luck…was able to reach their finish line with a sense of wonder. Things, places, and people still fill them with excitement. After all those years. You can hear it in their words. You can see it in their eyes.

Do we really understand the extent of how special they are?

Without them in the world, our lives would be unbearably frightening. We’d have zero evidence that we could come out of this as anything but miserable. But those people do exist. They shine a bright light at the end of the tunnel that gives us hope. A reason for optimism. We know it’s possible. Because of them.

They’re also lucky as hell.

Why do we fight that word? Luck. You don’t have to squint your eyes to see it…just turn on your television. The fatal car crash because someone sent a text message while driving… the regular shootings that kill people who were in the wrong place at the wrong time…the countless devastating diseases that just show up on a random, nondescript day. There are things that could happen to you in this moment that would completely change the course of your life. Things out of your control. The person you love more than anything in the world? That person could be taken from you tonight in the most traumatic way imaginable. I’m not saying it to be morbid. I’m saying it because…if that hasn’t happened to you…it means luck has been a huge factor in your life.

And that’s what I wish for you this holiday season.

To have luck in your life…huge amounts of luck…

To know it.

And to hopefully do something with it.

The world could sure use more of “those” old people.

I truly hope you become one of them.

(As usual, I’ll be taking the last 2 weeks of the year off. Final posts starting January 1st. See you then. Happy holidays, nerds!)

milenerdEnd Of 2018